Food Alzheimer's

You know what’s so great about food? It’s delicious, provides nourishment, quells a growling stomach, powers your brain, offers opportunities for socializing, helps relieve stress, great for use in fights, etc. So when someone utters the words “I forgot to eat,” I think to myself, “Is this person all there?” “Did this person recently make a stop at a meth house?” “Did this person also forget to wipe their ass this morning?” “Am I in the presence of evil?” It goes on and on.

How in the name of deep-fried cheesecake on a stick does someone forget to eat? I forget a lot of things (names of people, where I parked, the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop – and it’s not three, Mr. Owl. Wonder how many kids have broken their teeth on one to make it in three…I’ll bet dentists paid for that commercial to air) but NEVER do I forget to eat. Now, sometimes I don’t have time to eat – that’s different – but rest assured I’m thinking about eating. Thinking hard. Like how I’ll probably go all competitive on food’s ass when I get the chance. Suck it skinny Asian kid who can eat like 100 hot dogs in a sitting. By the time I get to food, I’ll have you waiving your white flag and running for the nearest Nathan’s to get in more training sessions.

So, what to think of people who forget to eat. It’s disturbing, and frankly, annoying. But maybe they can’t help it. Maybe they have some sort of Food Alzheimer’s. But then again, if I had Food Alzheimer’s I’d forget that I’d already eaten and eat again. Crap, maybe I have that NOW! And if that’s the case, you can bow down now. And I’m hungry again.